(For those who are unfamiliar, mayor-elect Michael Nutter has proposed a "stop and frisk" program whereby police can search pedestrians {read:black men} for illegal weapons, based on, basically, a "hunch" {read: profiling} that the person might be up to something.)

Dear Mr. Nutter:

Stop and Frisk is Wrong.

We're tracking close to 400 homicides again this year. Two cops were shot in less then 16 hours, 3 in a week. Gun violence is out of control. And yet, that little voice in the back of my head is still screaming "No! No! No! Don't do it!"

Stop and frisk is wrong, and it's still wrong even though on the surface it seems like a good idea, even though it may seem necessary. Even though it's "for our own good". This is how police states get sanctified. This is how rationality gives way to expediency. This is how intention gets corrupted into control. By ordinary citizens willingly giving over their rights to a higher power for an alleged greater good. Didn't we all study the McCarthy era in school? Haven't we learned anything from it? This is how it starts. One small nibble at a time, and next thing you know, the cake is gone.

I am just old enough to remember the quasi-fascist regime know as " The Rizzo Years", when a few bad apples ruled the city. When ordinary citizens were afraid to stand up FOR themselves and TO abuse and corruption. Maybe there was an uncertain peace, but was it worth the price? No. Remember the 5-squad scandals? Do we want a repeat of the days when the police and city government were the enemy, and not someone to look up to, not there "to protect and serve", but merely to squeeze what benefit they could out of power and control? They're supposed to be looking out for us, we're not supposed to have to look over our shoulder for them.

While the police shooting last week was a horrible, unjustifiable tragedy, we can't let it be used as an excuse to trample on the rights won at such a high price by our predecessors. Here, of all places, in the "cradle of liberty", where where these principles were codified, were woven into the very fabric of our nation, we must know better. Haven't we given up enough already in the so-called "war on terror"? Are you so willing to hand over more?

I'm not. I refuse. I refuse to give in to the paranoia. I refuse to be browbeat by the government in my "own best interest". Isn't that the excuse they used to use to put non-cooperative people into asylums? Then call me crazy. But the US and PA constitutions already provide for stop and search by police where there is PROBABLE CAUSE AND REASONABLE SUSPICION of illegal behavior. Merely being in a "bad" area can not possibly legally or plausibly fit in under this rule. These high crime areas are residential neighborhoods. People live there, often not by choice. The fact that you live in relative poverty does not automatically make you a criminal, anymore than residing in a certain neighborhood makes you gay, or Catholic, or Chinese. What reason is there to stop a person going about his daily business just because of where he lives? Or are we targeting the people who look like they DON'T belong in certain neighborhoods? Even worse. Let's not be coy. How many of these potential felons will turn out NOT to be young black men? Do you think the cops are going to be ped-stopping granny to see what's in her tote bag? Not bloody likely.

And I find it beyond ironic that your TV commercials position you as fighting back against the Bush/Cheyney machine while employing a tactic that is clearly out of their playbook.

The answer is not suppression, oppression, or elimination of rights. It's not just more boots on the street, though that certainly would help. You need to treat the cause, not just the symptoms. One of the answers is gun control, but we all know that's not going to happen. (Thank you, NRA.) So what's left? Education, opportunity. The mayor's office has recently opened a broad new re-entry program to help ex-felons integrate back into society and make decent citizens of themselves. Bravo! It's about time. Now, how about something to prevent them from becoming felons in the first place? How about spending more money on our schools so more kids graduate and have a chance at a decent future? How about social services so kids that don't have a good background still get some positive influences and social survival skills? How about technical training and job opportunities so people don't have to turn to drug sales and robbery to make a living? How about drug and mental health treatment to dry up the market for the illegal sales? No, it won't have as instant an impact as "stop and frisk", but it will be much more effective and lasting in the long term. And it doesn't denigrate people, it empowers them. It makes citizens partners with, not enemies of, the system. And it does all this without stomping all over people's constitutional rights. If you want to help the City and People of Philadelphia, shaking them down with "stop and frisk" is not the way to do it. Listen to the little voice in your head, and say NO!

Category: Life

I am not proud to be an American. Before you send out for ropes and tar, let me say that I am certainly not ashamed of it, either. What I am, is lucky. Very, very lucky. I was born here, and thus aquired all the rights, priviliges, and responsibilities included through no effort of my own. And that, folks, is why I'm not proud. You are familiar with the saying "pride goeth before a fall" and the fact that pride is one of the seven deadly sins? Tht's because such pride is often misplaced. Pride is something that is earned. I can no more be proud of my happy accident of birth than I could be ashamed of another. You can't be proud of being born rich, or white, or smart, or good-looking any more than you should be ashamed of being born poor, minority, average, or homely. It's nothing you've done, it was given to or thrust upon you.

I'm proud that I graduated college with honors while working 60-some hours a week the last two years of school. I'm proud that my little garden looks nice and the plants didn't die (tho truth be told, that's not all my doing either. Nature leant a big hand with the weather). I'm proud when I get a good checkup at the dentist or when the vet says my puddy-tats look great. I'm proud of some of the pictures I've drawn, songs I've sung, and things I've said. I'm ashamed of very little, actually. Maybe that I gained too much weight when I know better, have not answered some letters/phone calls soon enough, probably should have a better job by now. But I'm working on those, and after all, it's myself I have to answer to.

I'm proud that I vote, but sometimes ashamed of my government. I'm proud to uphold the principles of democracy, even though I'm not proud to live in one.

Being an American was something that was given to me. For what ever reason, my ancestors came here seeking something better, or more, or just different. Or maybe running from their own shame. I don't know. I do know that I'm not responsible for their actions, but I am thankful. I didn't have to pass a citizenship test. Noone makes fun of my accent. I didn't come here in the cargo hold of a boat, or through a tunnel in the desert. I didn't have to climb a fence, jump ship and swim for shore, or "overstay" my VISA. I didn't have to escape the persecution of an unjust government, and wade through miles of red tape and years of bureaucractic fumbling and indecision. I didn't have to learn a new language and a new culture under pressured circumstances in a place where many of the "natives" don't want me. I am lucky, not proud.

For me, as for most of us, America was a fortuitous accident. I'm only 3rd generation on my mother's side, so new that I can go back and visit relatives in the "old country" and we may actually know some of the same people. Some siblings stayed, and some went. Some eventually did both. They speak English, thank heavens. Because, insulated as we are, I speak nothing else. Maybe I should be ashamed of that.

The point is that both pride and shame are earned, not given. I refuse for the fathers' sins OR virtues to be manifest upon the children. If you want to be a proud American, do something that's worthwhile. Build a house with Habitat for Humanity, pick up litter off the street, VOTE, teach someone to read, BE A CITIZEN, NOT JUST AN INHABITANT. Then you'll have something to be proud of.

One often hears debates over the merits of buying a cow versus getting free milk. Well, I'd like to give a little perspective to some of you would-be farmers and dairy consumers.
Free milk is, of course, wonderful, but be aware that you, as a consumer, do not have any exclusive rights to the product, which may be distributed publicly or not as the before mentioned cow sees fit. So,if you are offended by the potential of others sharing your dairy delights, you may want to look into investing in your own private cow. (And, BTW, it's not really free.)
Even if you do "buy the cow", however, you do not actually own it. You are merely contracting for distribution rights. That is, the cow agrees not to supply dairy products to any other other party for the duration of the contract. (This also means that you agree not to receive said products from any other source.) You retain the rights to any milk produced, but you can not force production. Therefor, please be aware that you are not entitled to any specific amount of milk, merely that you are entitled to any milk that is produced (much as if you had bought the mineral rights to a piece of land that may or may not contain such resources). Violations of the contract by either party may lead to renegotiation or severance.
In either case, the cow may increase or decrease milk production dependant on factors that may or may not be within the scope of your (or her) control. The cow, being an independant producer, at all times (in perpetuity) retains the right to limit and/or halt milk production, at any time, with or without prior notice.
And a tip for potential hog farmers: There is really no need to buy a whole pig just to get a little sausage.

My friend Mike always says "I have a question. What happened? Just tell me what happened!" Well, I'll tell you what happened:

There was this tree, see, with apples on it. Adam wanted an apple. Eve specifically told him NOT to eat it beacuse God would be mad, and anyway it would spoil his dinner. But Adam, he gets to hollerin' "Woman! I have dominion over the earth! I got to name all the animals! I can eat a @#$% apple if I want to." And, being the proto-stereo-typical male, did what he wanted to anyway, 'cause that's what they do. Then, when he gets caught, he has the nerve to come up with this cockamamie story about "talking snakes", and how he tried to fight off the snake and the woman, but they MADE him do it. No nookie unless he eats the apple. Uh-huh. Can't admit that he was wrong. Not from day one. Gotta blame someone else. No wonder Cain and Able turned into hoodlums. (And people wonder what's wrong with kids today, why noone takes responsibility for anything. It's fairly obvious, isn't it?)
Next thing you know a few millenia go by, people learn to read and write, now all of a sudden this "pre-urban" legend is being circulated as fact. Well, guess what, fellows? You're not actually fooling anyone but youselves. Any thinking person knows the real story. That's why you still won't stop and ask dirctions. That's why the apple is still stuck in your throat, why you'll never get back to the garden.
Just be a man. Stand up and say "I did it. I wanted the apple, and I ate it. It was juicy, crunchy. It was good. I kind of like the yellow ones better, but it was still pretty good." Admit that you were wrong. Apologize to the snake for getting him in trouble for no reason. God will forgive you. (Eve may require a little more work. And proof of your sincerity. That can be negotiated later.)

Previously , in this space, we discussed what to do if arrested (i.e., shut up) however, recent events have made me consider that more needs to be added to those words of advice. For instance, don't hire an attorney just because you've seen his name in the paper. Try to remember what it was he was in the paper for. This could be important. If he's under indictment himself, not only does it reflect poorly on you, you won't get your money back either. So, if for example, he hasn't paid his taxes for ten years, pissed off somebody in the mafia, or was found butt-naked in the courthouse with a teenage girl, he might not be the one you want representing you.

Let's not misunderstand, I'm not advocating that anyone lead a life of crime, merely asking that, if you do, you give it a little thought, and attempt to apply a little skill, much as you would with any other profession. There was a recent case where a middle aged gentleman robbed a bank, then handed the money to the guard and waited for the cops to show up. It turned out he was broke, and was hoping he could be incarcerated until his social security kicked in in. Just trying to get "3 hots and a cot" as they say, (although in this county you get a lot of cheese sandwiches and a cold cement floor shared with a bunch of other hairy sweaty guys. But hey, a man's got to do what a man's got to do). If that's your goal, then read no further. If you are trying to make "America's Most Wanted", that's also a seperate issue. That scenario, however, does not apply to most "guests of the state". This is for the guys (and gals) just out there trying to "make a living." So, keeping that in mind, let's proceed on something we probably should have discussed long ago:

How Not to Get Arrested in the First Place.

(I know, I know, it seems obvious, but you'd be surprised. )

Don't take things for granted. There are some things that you really can not get away with. Being buck naked in the court house is one of them. Also not a good idea:

Driving down the interstate at full speed on a wheel rim (due to a blown tire) and shooting sparks all over the highway when your trunk is full of drugs and guns.

Robbing the mini-mart and leaving the sawed-off shotgun in plain view on the passenger seat of the get-away vehicle.

Robbing your neighbor across the street, your grandma, or anybody else that knows you and can identify your stupid ass, mask or not.

Robbing someone's house and stopping to: eat cookies, take a nap, watch t.v., drink a beer, or anything else that does not involve getting right the hell back out.

Robbing a bank with a demand note written on your own deposit slip or electric bill.

Stealing a pair of shoes during a robbery and leaving your old ones behind. Especially with your name grafitiied on the side.

Running red lights, making illegal u- turns, or any other dumb-ass thing that draws attention to yourself when the proceeds of your particular special crime are in the car.

Calling each other by your real names during the commission of your felonious adventure.

Going back to check out the action at the crime scene, and not even bothering to change your clothes.

Robbing a liquor store or bar. That just pisses people off.

Killing someone in a bloody manner anywhere in your house or car. (No, smarty, bleach will not get rid of all the evidence, and neither will fire. You just ruined all that stuff for nothing.)

Committing a crime in front of a police station, 7-11, funeral home or nudie bar, or any other place known to attract large crowds or use surveillance video. I mean duh.

Sometimes it seems to me that you guys just aren't even trying. Whatever happened to having a work ethic? Stop watching so much t.v., and put a little thought into it. The bad guys on t.v. nearly always get caught anyway, so clearly you aren't paying attention to that properly, either.

Another piece of advice: start small. Try spending a couple of months in the county jail before you decide to go big time. If you can't deal with the locals, chances are you're not going to like the stateies any better. If you are under, say, 5'10" and 175 lbs, you really don't want to go there. Keep it in mind.

Don't create suspicion. Despite the best efforts of the Bush administration, you do still have SOME rights. While the cops can do a "ped stop" or a traffic stop at anytime, they're not allowed to shake you down if you aren't doing anything. They have to have "reasonable suspicion" that you are up to something. So, yelling "5-0," running away, starting a car chase, and/or tossing stuff out the car window or from your pocket into the bushes is NOT a good idea. Even to a moron this is supicious behavior. Where before you'd have gotten a dirty look, a ticket, or an order to disperse, now you're getting locked up. Congratulations, dumb ass.

DO NOT point a gun at the cops. Even if it's not loaded. Even if it's not real. You won't have to worry about going jail, you'll get a one-way ticket to the morgue. What, did you think they were just gonna' say "o.k., we give up" and let you go? Uh-uh.

And pay attention to your mandatory minimums. A gram might not be a lot, but they add up. Strong-arm robbery may get you a year, gun point will get you five. And, no, your girl is not gonna wait for you. She's got babies to feed. Remember, whatever it is you're thinking, it's probably not a good idea. Hope this helps. Leave the weapons at home, and be careful out there.

I think it's time we had some new laws on the books. Specifically, laws regarding what I like to refer to as criminal stupidity. The way I see it, present laws just don't do enough to cover the specific areas that the new laws would address. Therefor, these charges would be in addition to, and carry penalties in addition to (and not to be consolidated with), any other charges in the case.

As I see it, there are basically 2 kinds of criminal stupidity:

The first, and less serious, kind (Section A) would be a misdemeanor offense, the stupidity referring to conduct during the perpetration of a crime that is so dumb by definition that it is insulting to the intelligence of the other parties involved, such as police, court employees, potential jurors, etc. Examples of this include sticking up a bank with a demand note written on your own deposit slip or electric bill; blatantly speeding or running a red light in front of a cop when you have a car full of drugs; wearing the EXACT same outfit to court that you are alleged to have worn while perpetrating the crime; "investigating" the crime scene while carrying a pillowcase full of stolen loot; and other things of this nature that make the brain of even a 5 year old hurt when contemplating how stupid they are. There is just no defense for being this dumb.

The second, and much more serious category (Section B), I would make felonies. This would cover a course of conduct that is so blatantly and obviously self centered and stupid that it rises to criminal behavior. Yes, I know we have laws against reckless endangerment, risking a catastrophe, etc. but they don't go far enough. There is some behavior that rises way above reckless, bordering on evil disregard. Again, stuff even a child would know is a bad idea. Examples: driving 90 mph down a residential street where the speed limit is 25; machine-gunning your drug rival from a moving vehicle; starting a fire in the bottom of a multi-story apartment building; tapping into your neighbor's gas line; fleeing the cops by driving the wrong way down the highway; decisions by which you have put other (innocent) people in grave danger. Yeah, speeding and drag racing are ticket-able offenses, not arrest-able ones, but do it on a residential or well travelled road, or hit 25% above the limit, you're going down under my system. And no, you shouldn't shoot or light anyone's house on fire, but when you take the whole block out to get one guy, I'd argue that you've substantially raised the stakes, and the penalty needs to be increased proportionately.

And now that I think of it, white collar crime, when committed by a public official, should also go into this category. Or maybe get it's own (Section C). After all (not that we trust them a lot), but it is the Public Trust that they've betrayed. We know they're picking our pockets, but we count on them to at least preserve a little of our dignity by being discreet about it. If they are so greedy that they have to steal even more than what they get legally, which is plenty, they deserve special consideration also. Let's see, elected to a 4 year term? Cheated all 4 years? How about a minimum of 4 years in jail? Ripped us off for 8 years? 8 years in the clink. No pension. What about your retirement and years of service? Should have thought about that before you decided to blow it playing footsie with that lobbyist.

So, anyway, I'm encouraging everyone to write, fax, or e-mail their legislators and urge them to pass new laws dealing with incompetent (or just plain ignorant) criminals. Since politicians generally like to look "tough on crime" I think we have a good chance at success. (Just, uh, leave out "Section C", we can always save it as a nice surprise for later.)

Startin' Some Shit - Oedipus and Uncle Tom

Tricky Dick; President Carter; Geraldo Rivera; Rev. Al; Oedipus Rex; Uncle Tom. Of the people on this list, who is more deserving of a good name than a bad one?

Richard Nixon, before he died, had his image rehabilitated ("He's tanned, he's rested, he's ready, Nixon in 92"). Jimmy Carter has turned from goofy lust-in-his-heart peanut farmer with alcoholic brother to elder statesman. Geraldo takes on the serious issues of the day. Even Al Sharpton got some respect during the presidential debates. It's common nowadays for notorius persons to be rehabilitated in some manner. Several people, in response to my last post, wrote to accuse someone or other of being an "Uncle Tom," which I felt was unjustified. So, my mission today is the rehabilitation and reintroduction into polite society of two people. Oedipus, and Uncle Tom.

Oedipus, if you don't know, was a character in ancient Greek mythology who married his own mother. Uncle Tom is a character in a book published in 1852 (before the end of slavery in America). Oedipus Complex is a term used by psychiatrists to denote someone's weird, unnatural obsession with "mommy" (think "Psycho" and Norman Bates). Uncle Tom is used as a disparaging remark about a black person who panders to the white man.

The case for Oedipus is pretty simple and straightforward, he DID NOT KNOW the lady was his mother. His father (the king) wished to have him killed as a baby, because the oracle predicted the father's death at the hands of the son, and the son's ascension to the throne. Some well-meaning buffoon found a way to save the kid's life, and he was adopted and raised by others, with no knowledge of his heritage, thus setting the scene for fulfillment of the prophesy. (Moral of the story: you can't outrun fate. Don't screw with the oracle.) It was totally not his fault. He was taking over a kingdom, and, after slaying the monarch, he married the beloved queen as was common practice in those days. Who knew? Sure, she was a little older, but they started young in those days, and she still looked damned good. When he found out what had really happened, he blinded himself voluntarily. Is that not enough punishment for the guy? I mean, really, what are the odds? Give him a break.

Uncle Tom is a bit trickier, but not much, to my way of thinking. Indeed, in his day he was an inspiration for abolitionists everywhere, even Abe Lincoln knew him by name. Allegedly based on a real person (Josiah Henson), the book Uncle Tom's Cabin describes the life of a slave on a large southern plantation, and the trials and tribulations he faces. Uncle Tom was a Christian, and a slave, and believed that his faith would save him. He was wrong, of course. But there are circumstances in life where hope is the only thing that keeps you going, no matter how futile, or impossible, or wrong that hope must be. What else is there? What's important to remember here is that, as I said earlier, the story was published in 1852, well before the end of slavery.

Now, granted, it was a REALLY long time ago when I read the book (no, it was not in 1853), so my memory could be faulty. But as I recall, the man was in an untenable situation. His choices were limited, to say the least. He made the best life that he could for himself under the circumstances, and was betrayed by people that he mistakenly thought he could trust. Nowadays we might say he had "Stockholm Syndrome." Regardless, he was living his life the only way he knew how. Calling someone an Uncle Tom to disparage the choices they make overlooks the fact that for the real Uncle Tom his choices were many fewer and were literally matters of life and death. No, he did not take up arms. He was not, however, a lackey, a sellout, or any of the other negative stereotypes his name presently implies.

His biggest flaw, from what I remember, was believing that the white man (as a fellow Christian) would eventually do right by him. So, if that's what you mean, go on and use the term. But if you mean otherwise, you are giving Uncle Tom a bad rap. While he himself was "sold down the river" he never did the same to anyone else. He was a pacifist, like Ghandi, or King. He respected and loved, and inspired these feelings in return, in both white and black people, encouraged other slaves to escape when he couldn't, and even saved the life of a slave dealer. You may not agree with the man's choices, but you have to respect the integrity with which they were made. He was a man of his convictions right up until his death, a position many of us would do well to emulate.

Remember a few years ago when Charles Barkley said he was not trying to be anyone's role model? Yet many people thought that he had that responsibility. Oprah has been lambasted for not supporting hip-hop culture (though apparently she does like Beyonce). Last week rapper 50 cent called Oprah an "oreo". (For anyone who may be unfamiliar with the term, it means black on the outside - white on the inside, and it is NOT a compliment.) He also said that while she was black years ago when she started out, she's been a middle aged white lady for some time now. Bill Cosby has gotten in trouble for "airing the dirty laundry," or telling the family business. The Dixie Chicks were vilified for making remarks about the president to foreigners. They were called traitors. These are not unsimilar issues. They were all criticized for not living up to what other people thought they were obligated to represent. So the question arises:

Can you be a traitor to someone if you never explicitly agreed to be in league with them? It is not your job, not something you're elected, or asked or paid to do, yet you are still expected to serve as someone's representative. Are you really obligated to do this? What does the obligation consist of, and when does it end? Is it o.k. for a black person to not like Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton? Is it o.k. not to like them as long as you don't say so to white people?

I have heard, very rarely, Asians referring to another Asian as a "banana," although this seems to have more to do with acting "American" than acting white per se. We've all heard of the "ugly American" who embarasses his country mates when abroad. We've also probably all heard someone referred to as a "credit to" his race/gender/family/school. I will admit to a little annoyance when some dizzy bleached blonde does something stupid and makes us (real blondes) look bad. There are still societies where "honor killings" are carried out to clear the family name (though I will never understand why or how it's the victims' fault). There are still cultures (and even countries) with "historical enemies" due to incidents that took place hundreds of years ago. Where does all this come from?

There is a genuine problem in many American schools, where black children are ridiculed by their peers for acting "too white." Unfortunately, acting white is not a mode of dress or music or even just speech (as it is for white kids who "act black"). You can also be considered acting white if you do well in school, get a regular job, try to go to college, etc. In other words, if you make an effort to better yourself through the 'established channels'. But most of these guys keepin' it real are only hurting themselves, cutting off the nose to spite the face. Surely you can stick it to the man without sticking it to yourself in the process?

Charles Barkley is married to a white (white) lady, but nobody says much about it, maybe because he's so real, or maybe just because he's bigger than them. But when Kobe Bryant got married to a mixed-ethnicity woman, he got a lot of grief. Should he have passed up a great potential mate to try to find a same-race one? Why not a same sex one? Why can't they just be in love? People were pissed off at Tiger Woods because he does not consider himself a black man. Why does he have to choose?

And whose business is it if you speak (and dress) loudly and obnoxiously when overseas? Is it the fault of your parents/culture/schooling/gene pool? What about when you do something great? Who gets the credit for that? If your red-headed, freckled, old sod Uncle hates Irish music, and loves British culture, has he betrayed anyone? Maybe Oprah really dislikes rap music. Why is that not o.k.? Maybe she should tell them they can come on her show when they start setting a good example. Is it not o.k. to be from Tennessee and not like Elvis? What if you are an Asian kid who doesn't like math or playing the violin? Automatic pariah? If you are gay, do you have to own a Liza Minelli album? Can you be Italian and not like spaghetti, or French and not like cheese? Will your parents sit shiva if you don't become a doctor or a lawyer? We rebel against stereotypes and then place them on ourselves.

When are you just you? When I leave my house in the morning, am I representing all liberal blonde females of a certain age that listen to heavy metal? Or just vegetarian ones that study martial arts in large East coast cities? What if my peers don't agree with me?

This is the same type of decision that our elected representatives allegedly make on a regular basis. It's their job. My question is what you do when it is NOT your job. What obligation, if any, do you feel to represent "your people." And what if the image or front that people want you to represent does not coincide with your own personal beliefs? When does solidarity and sticking together mean not being true to yourself? And how do you choose?

Free, White, and 21 or Why I am a selfish bitch.
Current mood: annoyed

I'd usually rather have a good book (or a good argument) than a good party or a good t.v. show. And, as time goes on, I'm feeling rather less tolerant of other people's demands. I've always been a very self-contained person, happy in my own company. Now, I've decided to take it a step further, possibly to its logical conclusion, and become a very selfish person. If I don't look out for me, who will?

When my nephew was little he transitioned from day care to kindergarden, and we talked to him about going to his new school. He wanted to know what came after that. We explained about grade school, then high school, and maybe college. Then he wanted to know how long all of that would take, and what happened after that. We talked about how many years that all would take, and maybe graduate school, and then getting a job. At this point he started to cry, and wanted to know "when do I get to stay home?" When indeed?

I'm a fairly easy going person. If it makes you happy and doesn't cost me anything, generally I'm all for it. But here's the thing: a lot of the shit we do does cost us something, monetarily, physically, psychologically, whatever. There's a toll to pay.

Some stuff we do because we really want to. We like our friends and Want to go to their birthday party or wedding to be there for them. Some stuff we do because we feel an obligation. Grandma was really good to me growing up, and the least I can do is drive her to the supermarket. Some stuff we do because we expect a payback. I go to your wedding shower, baby shower, bachelorette party, I go to your kid's play/first communion/ChuckECheese party/whatever and then you in turn go to mine. You cooked, so I'll do the dishes.

Well, guess what? I got married in Vegas and didn't put you all through that shit. I don't have a kid. And even though you've known me for over 10 years, you consistently forget that I'm a vegetarian, and I didn't eat any of that shit. Do you see where I'm going with this?

The average life expectancy in this country is about 76 years, but you never really know. (People in my family tend to die young, or not at all. But there is always the random tragedy.) You just don't know how long you have to be here. So I've been thinking about it, and I've decided that at this point in my life I am THROUGH with making other people happy. Y'all will just have to fend for yourselves.

I'm not buying any of the over-priced crap that your kid's school is selling, and no, I don't need more cosmetics/candles/tupperware/whatever that you are pushing at your home party (which you know you don't really want to do anyway, but let someone talk you into). No, I don't want girl scout cookies or boy scout popcorn. I don't need any more magazines and would not vote for your candidate unless smacked upside the head with a brick and suffering organic brain damage or temporary insanity.

I don't care if you don't like my radio station or TV show. It's my house/car and I'll have what I like thank you very much. I eat peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast almost every single day. Got a problem with that? Get over it. Sometimes I drink my champagne (the really cheap stuff) out of a jelly glass, and my gatorade out of a goblet. Why should you care? I eat chocolate every single day. But guess what? I go to the gym, too. If you think the purpose of working out hard all the time is NOT so you can eat and drink and party whenever you want, well, that is your personal opinion, and of no consequence to me.

I hate football and mayonaise, and see no compelling reason to pretend otherwise. Yes, I would rather go to the gym than another of your parties. 'Course, I'd also rather be a voodoo doll and stick myself with pins than listen to any more inane chatter about people that I do not know or care about. No, I don't cook (in any meaningful way), but I suspect that somehow my husband will survive. If not, too bad, he married the wrong gal. I don't wash my hair everyday, and haven't been to the hairdresser in over two years (my nails look great though). Your priorities are NOT mine, and have zero to none chance of becoming so. I smell good and my skin looks nice, even with lots and lots of eye makeup. I like eye makeup. And I like my snowman sweater, no matter how many magazines say it's a "don't". I wouldn't wear 95% of the fashionable nonsense they're peddling.

I like tattoos, and intend to get several more. I don't wear high heels (except when I feel like it) because I don't feel like it. I like sneakers, they're comfortable. I let my cats on any piece of furniture they like. I am not a lady. But then again, you are not a gentleman.

Anyway, the point is this: If you want me to do something, and can't give me a really good reason why, you're shit out of luck. Handle it yourself. Here's to the pursuit of happiness!

"It is hope...not despair, which breeds revolution. ... Give the people hope - show them what might be possible, what they can look forward to - then they might try to achieve something. Despair breeds only more despair - people lose heart and die in themselves. That is where ... those ... make a mistake. They think that people will rise up when their discomfort becomes unbearable. But that is not true. When their discomfort becomes totallly unbearable - they give up. Offer them some comfort - and being human they will ask for more - and more - and more! Then comes revolution. Thus we ... work to distribute extra wealth ... We work to set an example ... which will encourage the oppressed peoples of the whole world. ...People learn by example ... They do not have to have ideas forced upon them. ... The conqueror always assumes that his moral superiority - rather than his ferocious greed - is what has allowed him to triumph." ... "If you are successful, let the world also see that you are human. People are impressed by kindness as well as by factories and military strength." The Nomad of Time - Michael Moorcock, 1971, Doubleday Books

Let's look at one part of that again."PEOPLE LEARN BY EXAMPLE. THEY DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE IDEAS FORCED UPON THEM" But yet, relentlessly, this is what we do, in order to bring "civilization" and "democracy" to the backward thinking peoples of the world. We've been forcing democracy on Iraq for a couple of years now. That's working out well. We had to get those evil Russians out of Afghanistan so we armed the Mujahedin and well, never mind. Forget that one. We forced it Viet Nam 30-odd years ago. That, uh, worked out. We forced it on Korea over 50 years ago, and it kind of worked, unless you count the more than 40,000 American troops still stationed there half a century later.

Back in the 1950s we forced it on Guatemala (7,000 a year dead for 30 years, hmmm) and also on Iran. Then we didn't like the democratically elected government that the people put in place, so we forced a "better" version on them (which curiously enough was a dictatorship). But lo and behold, something interesting happened. The Shah was actually quite liberal for his day, and started allowing his peasants to become educated and "Westernized." Give 'em an inch... Once they got that little bit, they wanted more, and more, and next thing you know the good old Shah was out on his ear. Now that didn't go exactly as planned for them or us, and they're having to start from scratch.

Not to offend any Ronald Regan fans out there (not that I really care if I do, either), but we (as a government) had nothing to do with the fall of the Soviet Union. The Soviets self-destructed, for two reasons: 1. Because in practicality, communism (at least on a large scale) can not work. It assumes too much good of people. It's a great concept. "From each, according to his abilities, to each according to his needs." How could you possibly argue with that? What could possibly be more fair? It's awesome. The only problem is that some people are lazy, and some people are greedy, and some won't want to help the less fortunate if it means less for themselves. Then there are the folks who think they are "entitled" to this or that, or better in some way than their peers, etc., etc. That's where the whole thing starts breaking down. 2. The people at the top got greedy, they had "western" comforts and luxuries, but were not sharing with the citizens. The biggest mistake they made was allowing American television. Perhaps it was meant to serve as a bad example, but it had the opposite effect. It allowed the people to see what was possible, what they could have, and they wanted it. Thus revolutions are made.

It's called "leading by example". You don't win anyone's hearts and minds by forcing them to do things your way. That only breeds resentment, Stockholm syndrome not withstanding. And if you truly believe in democracy, then even if you show people what is wrong now, and how it can be improved, and even how to do it, then if they respectfully decline to take your advice, or do things your way, you must respect that and agree to disagree. Otherwise, you are a hypocrit. (A gentle reminder now and then may be appropriate. Armed troops are not a gentle reminder.)

Not everyone agrees with you. Not everyone thinks your way is the best way. And that, my friends, it what democracy is truly about. The ability to civilly disagree, and not try to force your ideas on those who don't feel the same. Majority rules, minority rights. Respect for others. Living up to your own ideals. Practicing what you preach. That would truly be revolutionary.

O.k., first off, you CAN'T babysit your own friggin kids. Babysitting is something that you are hired to do, i.e., somebody pays you for it. Nobody pays you to watch your own kids. Why? Because it is your responsibility! (not your job!!!) You brought them into this world, you have to take care of them. Not to be hating on the guys, but honestly? I have NEVER heard a woman say she was "babysitting" the kids while her husband/boyfriend/significant other had something to do. Guys say this all the time, and it's really fucking annoying. And I don't even have kids, so don't take me as a disgruntled mom. If they are your kids, it's not babysitting, it's fullfilling your parental duties. And everyone has something to contribute. Whether it's playing ball, teaching chess, or even sharing your favorite sandwiches and TV shows. Worst case scenario, you can always serve as a bad example. I used to babysit a kid whose natural (biological) father was a heroin addict. The kid himself became a heroin addict and died from an overdose at the age of 22. Had his father spent more time with him, instead of admiring him from afar, his son could have seen what an asshole he was, and possibly avoided that fate. Anyway, the point is this: you may feel, as Charles Barkley does, that you are simply you and did not sign on to be anyone's role model, but guess what! If it's your kid, you sure as hell did sign on, and you better deal with it. And if the child's other parent wants to have some time to his or her self, you are most emphatically NOT babysitting. You are doing what you should be doing all along. So, if your freinds ask why you can't go out, tell them you had something more important to do. You were shaping your kid's life.

Donovan McNabb, Please Go Away.
Category: Sports

It's nothing personal, dude. You're cool. It's just that I don't really care for football that much, and you're making it hard. See, Philly has die-hard sports fans no matter what. And that's understandable. I can normally kind of just ignore them. But then you came along and gave the people hope. Bad idea. Now they don't shut the hell up. I am so sick of that stupid cheer. You hear it at baseball games, hockey games, rock concerts, parades, waiting in line at the supermarket, anywhere there's a decent sized crowd of people. It's inapropriate, and it gives me a headache. I really liked it better when the team sucked. Thank God you guys were a little worse last year, and they chilled out with the dumb song. Otherwise I thought I was going to get violent (or maybe just vomit). You seem like a really nice guy. Your soup commercials are kind of funny. Your mom is nice too. Like I said, it's nothing personal. But Donovan, please, can't you just go away?

Current mood: awake
Category: Life

I hate cannibals. I freakin' hate 'em. Zombies are bad enough (especially the new fast kind), but at least they have an excuse. They're dead! Cannibals are alive and well and choosing to eat people. It's just wrong. And, ick, most people aren't that appealing anyway. Of course, I'm a vegetarian, so what do I know. Maybe w/some ketchup they're downright tasty. I don't want to find out. That being said, I'm told that if you do want (or need) to indulge, you want to eat people who are in pretty decent shape, but not like bodybuilders (they have to soften up a little first.) Fat people have very little nutritional value. Bodybuilders have an excess of protein and not enough fat (you can actually get "protein poisoning"). So, you want to go for the ones somewhere in the middle, first. In the meantime, the fat ones will get skinnier, the lean ones will get fatter, and they'll soon be ready for roasting. (Although, from what I understand, most cannibals eat their victims raw, which is just...eeeeewww! Sorry sushi lovers.)

Went to the "who" concert tuesday night. Those old guys can still kick ass. Go if you get the chance.

Book Reviews: the stuff I read the last couple of weeks.
Stars Legend: o-makes good kindling, 1-don't bother, 2- eh, something to do, 3-not too shabby, give it a try, 4-definitely worth a read, 5-whoa! blew me away. (Please note that the same ranking does not mean equal quality, books must be considered within their specific genre. A really good romance novel may rank = with a literature selection, it does not mean it's just as good over all, only that it is a good example within it's type.)

Title / Author / Style / Stars (out of 5)

State of Fear / Michael Chrichton / thriller / 4 stars

Money, global warming and eco-terrorism form the premise for this one. Very entertaining, obviously he's an excellent writer. He actually researches the science behind the issues in his books, and includes a bibliography. The protagonist is a little denser (dumber) than strictly necessary, especially for someone with the job he has in the book. His naivete is a little annoying, but most of the characters are well thought out, and if they're not, you're engrossed enough in the action to not notice it. All fiction involves some suspension of disbelief, Mr. Crichton requires less than many others.
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Prey / Michael Chrichton / thriller / 3 stars

Decent story about (once again) science gone wrong (this time nano technology). And again the protagonist seems a little dumber than he should be for someone in his position. Not up to the level of some of his other work, but still a decent read.
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HarryPotter and the 1/2 Blood Prince / JK Rowling / fantasy / 4 1/4 stars

Wonderful! What else is there to say? Despite the length, it's very readable (I think I actually got through this one faster than some of the others). When you have to stop, you want to get back to it as soon as possible. Yeah, maybe it's a little darker than the previous ones, but the characters are teenagers now, that's to be expected. Death, drama, romance, magic, it's all in there. As the penultimate book in the series, it's a good lead up to the final conclusion. (Though fans may disagree, I couldn't rank it higher because it's clearly and definitely part of a series. You need too much inside information for it to be appreciated on it's own merits.)
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Staring Down the Devil / Peter Brandvold / western / 2.5 stars

Starts out very funny, then tapers off into what I guess is "guy drama". (I'm not sure who the market audience is exactly.) Anyway, it's basically a potato chip, a snack book. Would be good for the beach, or maybe a rainy day. You won't learn anything, or be enlightened, but it's probably still better for you than t.v. Good entertainment for when you don't want to have to think too hard.
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Secrets of the Tai Chi Circle / Luke Chan / philosophy / 3 stars

Interesting book that uses a fictional story to illustrate philosophical principles. It has nothing to do with martial arts, but rather the mental skills of tai chi, the tai chi way of life. My 'big-"C"-Christian' sister-in-law got a lot out of it, and made a million notes in the margins about how things related to other things, how principles mesh, ideas to ideas, yin/yang, etc. Who says East and West shall never meet?
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Karmic Healing / Djuna Wojton */ philosophy / 3 1/4 stars

Sort of a self-help book. Very interesting and easy to follow. You do not have to believe in reincarnation to get something from it. Everybody has issues that they may not want to confront, or may not know the root cause of, or maybe don't even understand what the real problem is. This book leads you through exercises to remove "Karmic blocks." The point is not whether you uncover a real past-life experience, but whether you discover what is blocking your happiness and clear it out. Sort of like homeopathic psycho analysis, and probably rather less damaging than the theories of Dr. Freud. If you've ever tried meditation, affirmation, self-hypnosis, or visualization exercises, some of this will be familiar. And if you do manage to channel Ra or whoever, well, you can get your own book, maybe even a t.v.show.

If you have any you'd like to recommend, (especially if you want to lend them to me!) let me know.

*disclaimer: I know Ms. Wojton personally. She teaches belly dancing, reiki, tarot, and other really cool stuff. I find her to be a gifted, caring, and interesting person.

O.K., I have to admit, the first thing that comes to mind is "rob the jewelry store." Yeah, yeah, I know it's wrong. I'm not saying I'd do it, just that it's the first thing I think of. But then you have to think, well, am I staying invisible, or turning it off and on? 'Cause if you're staying invisble, you wouldn't need any jewlery. What good would it do you?. Anyway, If I were invisible, one thing I know for sure I'd do is sneak up behind people and pull up their pants. I am so tired of seeing everybody's butt! And their stupid underwear. Maybe I should give 'em a wedgie instead. And if they're wearing a thong, you could snap it like a rubber band. That would be pretty funny, too. Hee hee hee! And if their big gut was hanging out, maybe you could paint a smiley face on it, or something, I don't know.

I'm pretty sure if I were invisible I'd be dangerous. I'd tease dogs (not a lot, just to make them bark at "nothing". I'd offer tissues to people who were picking their nose when they thought no one saw. I'd probably bitch-slap strangers who really needed it, and whistle at cute guys. And yell at people who throw gum and ciggarette butts in the street. OOOH, and people who spit all over. I hate that. I could get a job in a haunted house for Halloween, or as an international spy. There's a lot of stuff you can do when you are invisible that you'd get your ass kicked for, otherwise. I wouldn't do anything mean, like hiding stuff (unless you were really drunk, then I'd take your car keys). I like to think that all my services would be for the public good (except for the jewelry store robbing part, but again, I didn't say I'd actually do it).

So far I haven't figured out how to become invisible, but I'm working on it. You might want to invest in a belt, just in case.

Daily tip: If arrested...
Category: Life

People, people, people, can we talk? Although our motto here at the Haslamic Jihad (You have the Right NOT to Remain Silent) has to do with your first ammendment right to speak up, let's not forget that that the 5th has its place, too. Hopefully you will never need to use this information. But just in case you should find yourself in some hot water, here are some tips for more easily navigating your way through the criminal justice system. Some of them may seem obvious, but since they are so often not followed, I figured they bear repeating.

Tip .. 1: Shut Up! Zip it! Put a cork in it. Telling the cops "you can't stop me, I'll be out in a couple hours" - Wrong and Dumb. Telling the cops your whole life story, including all the fabulous shit you got away with in the past that they don't even know about - Wrong and Dumb. What ever happend to "lawyering up?" You know "I ain't sayin' nothin' till my mouthpiece gets here." Old fashioned, yes, but smart!!! Still works, try it. I'm not saying be uncooperative (also wrong and dumb) just can it till you get representation. Mouthing off (to the cops or the judge) about how you didn't do it, it wasn't your fault, and they're all a bunch of assholes - Wrong and Dumb. If you are the one who got arrested, the cops are not on your side. Duh. Now, I know on the t.v. shows the (alleged) perps always sit down and have a nice ole' chat with the cops, and maybe a sandwich and coffee. Has it never occurred to you that these shows are always from the cops' perspective, and the cops always win? Duh. And really, the judge is the last person you want to piss off. You don't have to kiss their ass, just don't BE an ass.

Tip ..2: In the unfortunate event you should have to go to court, some grooming tips are in order. Wearing your "warn-a-brotha" or "scarface" t-shirt? Wrong and Dumb. While you may think it gives you "street cred" it sure as hell doesn't get you any points with a judge or jury. If your case is minor, it's o.k. to wear jeans and a decent looking shirt. Even a plain clean t-shirt. Try to have pants on that cover your ass. Boobs and/or gut hanging out? Bad idea. It's not the beach, folks, it's court. The idea is to look both respectful and respectable. You're trying to look innocent, remember? If your case is serious, invest in a suit, or at least a couple of shirts and ties. This shows that you're taking the whole thing seriously. Style is good. Being totally pimped out is usually not. Again, you want to appear like a person who has no business being in those handcuffs in that courtroom. Not you, you're a good boy! Got it? O.k.

Tip ..3: Don't listen to the jailhouse lawyers. If they were so friggin' smart, they wouldn't BE in jail. While many of them are familiar with the appeals process (having been through it so many times), their advice on what to say and how to act in the courtroom usually sucks. Familiar with the saying "misery loves company?" All-righty then. You have a lawyer, let them do their job.

Tip ..4: The Public Defenders went to law school. You didn't. If you want to spend big bucks on a high-falutin' attorney, go ahead. Saves the city money. But don't dis the PDs. They went to the same fancy law schools as the other guys and took the same bar exam. In fact, many of the better known defense attorneys started out in the PDs office before striking out on their own. And even if you still think the PDs must suck or they'd have a better job than representing some low-life no-account like you, remember tips 1 and 4, Shut up. They went to law school, you didn't.

Hope this helps. Stay safe out there.