Let's preface this whole thing by making one point very clear: in a battle of the bands, nobody wins. The audience at these events is comprised of people who, unless they are there specifically to cheer for your band, are there specifically not to cheer for your band under any circumstance. The judging panels are frequently populated with people who have no business telling anybody what sort of music to make, and will laud only those acts who pander to their particular predetermined idea of cool or remind them of their own failed and unlistenable musical endeavors. And in an era where "selling out" becomes more of a philosophical fossil with each passing day, the spectacle of artists competing for cash and prizes still smacks faintly of fresh marrow. All in all, band battles are just the sort of music industry nonsense with which BadmintonStamps looks forward to never being associated.

That said, our disdain alone will not make events such as Philly Sound Clash go away. And since $2,000 and city-wide rental car omnipresence seem like a dangerous combination in the wrong hands, we feel obliged, Philadelphia, to offer you some guidance through what is a long, messy, and generally under-qualified list of candidates.

Without further ado, BadmintonStamps is proud to endorse GANG as clearly the best choice in the 2008 Philly Sound Clash. Their non-stop party-hop comes correct in all the best ways. They hold dear our god-given right to fuck shit up and look good doing it. And they know that the path towards a more secure homeland begins by taking care of those damned dirty rats.

There you have it, people. The ballot is right this way. We urge you to vote early, often, and if possible, while driving a Mini Cooper.

GANG - "Rat Posion" (follow link to download)

Organizers of the Popped! Festival aren't moving the event to New Jersey. But they are spamming people on behalf of Malibu Rum. Why? There's no mention of this Saturday's "Winter Beach Bash" on the Popped! web site, nor is Malibu listed as a festival sponsor (not surprising; anybody who attended the festival last year is painfully aware that pulling down liquor sponsors is not where this organization's talents lie). It seems, then, the non-profit festival's e-mail list has been turned into somebody's (???) private - and for profit, perhaps - marketing spambot. Thanks, guys. I look forward to learning how Popped! can make my penis 5X bigger and help me set up a second mortgage. And by the way, no amount of flavored rum in their cola is going to fool people into thinking that VHS Or Beta don't suck serious coconutsack.

Download: The Clash - "Koka Kola" (follow link)

Ouch! A-Sides take a 5.7-pronged trident in the rear. C'mon, Pitchfork. If you can't say something cinematic, don't say anything at all.

The Vineland Music Festival just can't catch a break. Now, the organizers of Coachella have added piss to the NARCS' previously discussed vinegar, scheduling their own New Jersey music festival on the same weekend as the proposed Vineland affair. And theirs might have Radiohead. Damn.

"ADAM SPARKLES TOOK ACID AND WATCHED THE MUMMERS THIS NEW YEAR'S DAY...NOW HE HAS A NEW MIX!!!" Download it here. Caps Lock not included.

The latest NME cover reveals that Pete Doherty's solo album will be nothing like heroine or super mdoels. It's probably, unfortunately, true.

Whoda thunk Thursday night's most intriguing live proposition would be at Millcreek Tavern? Bird And The Buffalo offer up a smart slurry of melting chamber pop. Between these guys and The Neighborhood Choir, there's definitely the seedlings of a whole new shamble-rock movement here in Philly. 'Bout time, if you ask us. MySpace it for the goods.

If the dancing is more your Thursday thing, then bring your sweat-pantsed ass over to Silk City. Steven Bloodbath's Mo Money, No Problems comes correct with Low Budget guesting.

Any band that has the good sense to pump up the crowd with John Tesh's old NBA on NBC theme song is a band you need to see. Which is why you need to see Shout Magic at Tritone this Friday night. Of course, if your parole officer has you confined to NoLibs, there's always Movable Type, fresh out of the studio and playing their newest tunes at The Fire.

Saturday night, the InMyPants DJs are spinning deweydecimaljams at National Mechanics, part of a book drive for Books Through Bars. Donate a new or gently-used tome of non-fiction, get a free drink, and dance like Dewey himself. Note: they're all stocked up on this title already.

What's new in the tumultuous world of Grizzled Grandpa Fist-Shakery, you ask? It's a new spin on a classic theme. Tired of telling individual youngsters to turn that damned music down, the old folks have expanded their vision, working the dark recesses of local politics in an effort to block the entire Vineland Music Festival, a three-day summer affair recently proposed by the makers of Glastonbury and Lollapalooza for a large parcel of undeveloped farmland in Vineland, NJ. What makes this particular glass of hater-ade truly refreshing is the name this group of malcontents has chosen for themselves: Neighbours Against Rock Concert Site. NARCS, if you will. Before you snicker, let's at least give them some credit for being self-aware enough to recognize and appreciate the ginormous number of buzzes they'll be killing throughout the Northeast. I never would've expected that degree of lucidity. Now, onto the meat of the issue:

"Many neighborhood residents share concerns about traffic, noise, potential crime... and the environmental impact on the area..."

Okay, let me retract my last comment. These people obviously aren't even aware of the fact that they live in New Jersey.

Download: The Dome City Rock Orchestra - "Quiet Village" (follow links to mp3s)
Download: Lowgold - "Quiet Times"
Download: Interpol - "Narc"

Think your holiday was solid? Greg Weeks and his cohorts in cine-freaky The Valerie Project had their album's big time 7.5 review sitting on the front page of Pitchfork from last Wednesday through to early this morning. Stuff that in your vampire turkey and cook it.

Meanwhile, Plastic Little spent last week traveling the King's highways and byways over in England, conquering trans-Atlantic audiences as they build up hype for their third single, "I'm Not A Thug", out December 10th. Pre-order now to get in on some of that sweet signed poster action. And London readers, please PLEASE tell us that at least one of you went to this. We can only imagine.

The 'Stamps boys are always huge fans of songs that reference natural disasters, but the recent tradgedy in Bangladesh has made Baby Bash's "Cyclone" a bit too guilty of a pleasure to enjoy in the short term. Thank god for local party-starters Gang. Their newest tune, "Earthquake It", was just recently added to their MySpace page, and can be relished completely free of any major current events stigma.

Don't say we didn't warn ya. Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings are at the TLA in just about three weeks, making their first proper Philly showing since, get this, the Five Spot back in 2002. Our call: brace for an early sell-out. This thing is like Making Time with Hot Chip for the XPN membership subscription crowd, so we highly suggest picking up your tix in advance. David Dye has a posse, and they will swarm on command.

Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings - "Tell Me" (follow link to download)

It feels like it's been ages since the Trocadero Balcony has had anything legitimately Thursday night-worthy, but lo, the drought ends here and now. Greyhounds (pic'd), one of the most promising new musical developments in the 2-1-5, works out the kind of rag tag rock you'd expect from a band that's been holed up in the studio with Bill Moriarty (Dr. Dog, Man Man), and darned if that's not exactly what the doctor ordered on an almost cool September eve like this. You might as well catch 'em now, since after their show alongside a certain clapping, yeah-ing band later this fall, they'll likely be a much harder ticket to snag. The whole feel-good sundae gets a cherry on top with opening sets from 'Stamps-backed locals The Major Leagues and The Neighborhood Choir, not to mention the svelte $7 price tag. So head on down and balc it up like it's going out of style.

Download: Greyhounds - "No Slogans In '76"
Download: Greyhounds - "So Much Money In The World"
Download: The Major Leagues - "Alright"
Download: The Neighborhood Choir - "Disregard For Undertones"

Yeah, you heard right. And you know you're feelin' it, too. If the thought of some Scandinavian misbehavian' gets you all hot under the hoodie, but the clusterfuck at Ikea during high noon of college move-in season makes you shudder, then have we got the solution for you: a totally free show tonight at the church basement with Peter, Bjorn & John. Take your lunch break early and line up outside the First Unitarian. They'll be distributing wristbands and tickets beginning at noon, one per person, on a first-come first-served basis. Cash 'em back in when the doors open at 8:30 tonight, and rock out with your lingonberry sauced-up self. The featured guest for this early autumn gift from MySpace is Nicole Atkins, who we took quite a shine to during her residency at The Fire earlier this year, and who's absolutely gonna kill on the "Young Folks" lady parts.

Download: Peter Bjorn & John - "It Beats Me Every Time"

Last Friday night's dance olympics at Fluid (YapSnaps here) induced a sweat-a-thon that managed to last all the way into Sunday afternoon, which I don't need to tell you wasn't made any more tolerable by the satin bed sheets here at 'Stamps HQ. An investment in some cool 100% cotton linnens seems even more necesary as the calander turns over into September, a month that features not one, not two, but three different [click.]s. Yes, in lieu of a proper Making Time event, the chairmans of the partytrain board are bringing you [click.]s galore. The first goes down at The Vacuum on September 2nd, a Sunday in name only. Celebrate the majesty of the working man the old fashioned way - by getting all kinds of Franco-trashy with Institubes DJs Surkin, Para One, Curses!, and Orgasmic, among others. This late-late kicks off at 11PM with no official end in sight, but don't forget, this is a BYO affair, so you'll need to put your lil' Igloo cooler to use one more time if you expect those Balentine 40s to still cool and refresh your sweaty self by sunrise. Meanwhile, Saturday of that very same week brings [click.] number two. No word on the location yet, but the chill factor goes through whatever roof they find with Iceland's Bang Gang DJs on the job (prediction: it will be like Kópavogur in there). The third party has no guests announced yet, but we do know that it will be back at Fluid on the 28th, which means three of your five September weekends already come with some crazygonuts built right in. If you ever stopped to thank Dave P, I'm sure he'd say you're welcome.

Download: Para One - "Midnight Swim"
Download: Para One - "Midnight Swim" (Surkin Remix)
Download: Curses! - "What I Need"
Download: TTC - "Travailler" (Orgasmic Remix)
Download: New Young Pony Club - "Ice Cream" (Bang Gang Remix)

Somehow, while nobody was looking, the food industry managed to sell a truly horrendous lie to you, me, and the rest of the world. I'm talking, of course, about the sun-dried tomato. This shriveled red menace has become particularly ubiquitous over the last decade as a trendy topping for pasta dishes, pizzas, and sandwiches. What nobody has the guts to point out is that these things are nothing more than chewy crimson lies. "Sun-dried"? Really? And when was the last time you saw somebody laying tomato slices out in the sun? A heat lamp is not the sun, pal. Nor is an oven. Christ, I'm willing to bet even Martha Stewart pops them thangs in a dehydrator. Yet every single grocery store and restaurant you go to has the audacity to claim that these things were outside working on their tan for anywhere from four days to two weeks! Why? Why can't they just come clean and drop the pretense? If the garnish in question is truly in need of a slicker, sexier image, then give it a completely different name altogether. That little trick has worked wonders for dried grapes (raisins), and dried cranberries (craisins). So gimme some tomaizins, or gimme some plain ol' dried tomatoes, but don't give me this sad-sack nonsense about the sun. I mean, hasn't the poor plant already been through enough with the whole vegetable/fruit complex? One identity crisis for a piece of produce is plenty, folks. And if you have a problem with the truth I'm layin' down, you can go and cry me a sun-dried river.

Download: Squeeze - "The Truth"
Download: Crowded House - "Distant Sun"
Download: Darkel - "My Own Sun"
Download: Amy Winehouse - "Tears Dry On Their Own"

Over at Billboard, Maria T brilliantly sums up the consumately average Thursday night set turned in by the next great hype hope, Vampire Weekend. Her take: "I like to call this "divorced dad rock" – the kind of music a way out-of-touch adult clings to to maintain some shred of relevancy/street cred with a younger peer group." Which also very neatly explains this.

The Inky talks up Sony BMG's enormous reissue of the Gamble & Huff catalog beginning this autumn. And yes, saints be texted, there will be ringtones.

If the McDonalds at 1601 South Columbus Boulevard's a-rockin', don't go a-knockin'. Actually, maybe just don't go a-knockin' ever.

The future of MySpace party promotion is now, courtesy of Shawn Ryan and Hurrah. You heard it here first, peeps: personalizable flyers are the new .GIF animated flyers.

And a mid-week concert peek: woozy, shoe-sy twosome The Sky Drops are at The Khyber on this fine Tuesday night. And the totally not sold-out yet Yeah Yeah Yeahs show Thursday night at the Electric Factory is a can't miss.

Download: Teddy Pendergrass - "Close The Door"
Download: The Sky Drops - "Sentimental"
Download: Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Down Boy"

Not content with anything less than total blogosphere domination, XPN guru/SVB curator Bruce Warren has opened up shop on yet another URL, this one a Philly-only music blog called Philadelphia Freedom. Suffice to say, we're as impressed with his content as we are with his sources, though whatever connection the local scene has with a defunct indoor pro soccer team remains a mystery.

Bought will-call tickets to an R5 show, but can't go? Now you can change the name that the tickets are being held under. Gals, this is also a useful trick if you want to emasculate your boyfriend by making him publicly claim those Stars tickets you bought.

Glad to see that the BM Ranters are just as excited about the Okkervil River's October show as I am (the performances I've witnessed at The Khyber have both been jaw-droppingly awesome). And yes, the new album is just as good as everybody's saying it is.

Pardon the absence of speculation from the 'Stamps concerning this year's Mercury Prize nominees, but this one's a ginormous no-brainer. With all due respect to the New Young Pony Club, future-freaky Klaxons should win by a length of at least four horsemen. Side note: 10/9 @ The TLA? YES!!!

And a quick weekend round-up: Tokyo Police Club tonight at JB's. Brown Recluse Sings Friday night at Sal's. A very funky Budos Band also Friday night at WCL. And Dave P's night of cocainebirthdayjams and exclamationpointanthems on Saturday, when Making Time hosts Los Campesinos! and Metronomy at Transit. Go forth and dancify.

Download: Okkervil River - "Unless It Kicks"
Download: Budos Band - "Chicago Falcon"
Download: Los Campesinos! - "You! Me! Dancing!"

Here at BadmintonStamps, we like to think of ourselves as facilitators (also as P.I.M.P.s, but back to the matter at hand...). We grease the wheels, make the introductions, bring the booze, and then sit back and let the magic happen. So it does our inner yenta a world of good to see that, when we set up two great bands with one another, like we did last November with Tokyo Police Club and The Harlem Shakes, it leads to more than just one torrid night of rock and roll passion. New Yorkers will reap the fruits of our musical matchmaking next Monday, when the two bands hook up once more for a sold-out show at the Bowery Ballroom. Of course, Da Club will also be giving Philly a proper rocking tomorrow night at Johnny Brenda's, albeit with Ra Ra Riot and Vampire Weekend on the undercard instead of our shakin' pals from NYC. And what's this? Why, we've got a free pair of tickets to the show with your name on it...provided your name is the one we randomly choose. The chances of that happenning will be exponentially increased by sending an e-mail with your full name and the subject heading "YOU & ME & TPC" to contest@badmintonstamps.com. We'll pick the lucky winner at noon tomorrow, so get ta enterin' post haste. Hooking our readers up with free tickets to a hot show just because? See, that's where the P.I.M.P. part comes in.

Download: Tokyo Police Club - "Box"

If there's one thing we're not gonna do, it's let some other web site beat us to the punch telling the world about this slick new tune from Brown Recluse Sings, aka your favorite band of 2008. Leading off their killer new The Soft Skin 7" on Tequila Sunrise Records, "Night Train" is like a newly discovered Monkeys single that had somehow become lost behind the recording studio sofa cushions in 1966, probably the same day as Mickey Dolenz's Pepsi shenanigans.

What's more, the gang are even now packing bags and receiving vaccinations in preparation for their first ever honest-to-goodness tour, venturing into the absolute mid-est of Midwest America for the better part of slightly more than a week. Farmer's daughters, you've been warned: the Recluse rides in August...

8/10 - Philadelphia, PA @ Sal's (w/ Scary Monster)
8/11 - Allentown, PA @ Jan's Room
8/13 - Chicago, IL @ South Union Arts (w/ Anni Rossi & Emily Jane Powers)
8/14 - Milwaukee, WI @ TBA
8/15 - Bloomington, IL @ Bear's Place
8/16 - Lexington, KY @ The Icehouse
8/17 - Toledo, OH @ TBA
8/18 - Pittsburgh, PA @ Modern Formations
8/19 - Lancaster, PA @ The Sugar Tank (w/ The Teeth & Real Live Tigers)

Download: Brown Recluse Sings - "Night Train"

So much going on tonight. Get out your party-sided dice and roll up a winner:

- Matty Pickles, Cobra, Mr.Splif and Shanky, better known as The Subjects, stoke your feel-good garage rock fires at The Khyber like only they can.

- Original Copyright Gangstas Negativland (pic'd) are at International House of all places.

- SoPhi block rockers Gang are good-causin' it for the Trevor Butler/Bottom of The Hudson tribute & benefit concert over at Tritone.

- Adam Arcuragi, one of maybe four or five singer/songwriters we've ever had the inclination to actually endorse on this site, is at Johnny Brenda's.

- And of course, First Friday means the dual tandems of SuperToddBros and Oh Murder! Inc at Sal's providing you the maximum number of rump shakers and dance party makers allowed by law. Pennsyvania State law.

Saturday night, we're green-lighting one party and one party only. That'd be Sex From Above at Medusa Lounge. During his guest spin at Bleached Black last Saturday night, Shawn Ryan demonstrated that he means business when it comes to makin' the basement pop. And what with this party going monthly, it seems First Weekends now have a pretty much unbeatable SuperTodd/Shawn one-two punch. Routines are a beautiful thing.

Download: The Subjects - "I Could Never Tune"
Download: Negativland - "U2"