The cat, not yet having mastered reading, naturally assumes the newspaper is a special sleeping mat whose cryptic symbols mean "Lie here, please."

Koto is more than happy to oblige, while Lyra patiently waits her turn.

“Good evening, M’am.” The gentleman startled me, as I did not hear him approach as I stood on the darkened street, outside a lovely Victorian era house. “Good evening,” I replied, “I was just admiring your home.” Thank you,” he responded, “but my wife deserves the credit. She did all the work.”

A rather pedestrian conversation, if not for the fact that the “gentleman” I was chatting with was actually an adorable little teddy bear wearing flannel pajamas and a wizard’s hat. (I didn’t dare ask the species of his wife.)

Have I neglected to mention that this chat was in text form, and taking place on my computer screen? Yep, it was just another evening in Second Life, the online 3-D virtual reality world that I have been visiting with all too much regularity.

Oh wait – how rude of me! I haven’t properly introduced myself. I am “Cyn Peccable,” a steampunk Victorian woman of little means but great reserve (or at least that’s how my Second Life profile reads.)

Um…yeah…seriously…I’m waaaay too into this.

But let he who is without a time-wasting hobby cast the first stone…keeping in mind that in Second Life, you could throw that stone haphazardly about in a glass house without breaking a single window -- cool!

Mixed imagery aside, my attraction to Second Life can be summed up in two words: no cellulite.

So, what’s a person to do with their nice cellulite-free avatar? Explore! Shop! Make friends while shopping! Shop! Try on the stuff you bought shopping!

And find a place to live.

While I’ve mastered shopping, and even have a “partner” (my real life husband, who signed on to Second Life just long enough to take me off the market) so far I’ve resisted the urge to settle down.

Not that I’m unfamiliar with others’ residences. While Cyn is a proper Victorian lady, it seems she is also quite the peeping Tom. I’ve peered into houses ranging from haunted to Architectural-Digest-ready.

I’ve seen clam shells for mermaids, post-apocalyptic sheds for those surviving an imaginary blast, and double-wide trailers for wannabe trash.

Not to mention a gigantic undersea rusted-metal seahorse/house that would set Jules Verne’s heart a-racing (if he weren’t dead, that is.)

And plain old normal stuff too. Sometimes a house is just a house.

With all this in mind, I set off to educate myself about the cost of Second Life housing. A quick search gave me the location of a sales area, appropriately named “Home Sweet Homes.” One mouse click later, I had teleported there. (Teleporting = fun!)

Materializing in the center of an expanse of neatly-trimmed grass (that never needs mowing), I found the landscape dotted with model houses of different sizes and styles. And each lot had a large sign stuck in the front yard; if you didn’t fancy the model sitting there, a click on the sign would materialize another in its place.

In a blink of an eye, I conjured up a large 3-story Victorian mansion, complete with wrap-around porch and turret…and an asking price of 6,000 Linden Dollars (the currency of Second Life.)

Oh, did I forget to mention that the exchange of (real) money is a very real part of this virtual world?

The 6,000 Linden price tag of my Victorian dream house translates to about $23 U.S. dollars. A bargain in real life, but pricey for the SL world. And I’m not sure if I’m ready to make that kind of commitment.

I mean, it’s lovely…but why be tasteful, when you can be tacky? Methinks a castle might be more suited to my flights of fancy. As a point of reference, I decide to check out Victoriana Castle, which bills itself as “The Most Beautiful Castle in SL.”

Holy Ice Princess, Batman! Blindingly white and overdone in every way imaginable – Victoriana Castle has more spires than I can count. Its curlicues have curlicues! My blood sugar level rises to a dangerous level, forcing a quick teleportation escape…

…to “Elite Estates” -- where one can buy a castle of more modest proportions. In fact 1,500 Lindens (about $6) will get me my very own a starter castle!

Unfortunately, “Dakota Castle” is unimaginatively rectangular –and its façade bears a strong resemblance to cinder block. I half-expected to find medieval-themed dinner theater going on inside. Instead, the interior was empty, if slightly dungeon-esque (which could be a positive, depending on what one is into.)

Still…hmmm…even cinderblock could be made cozy with the right furnishings. After all, isn’t décor what makes a house (or castle) a home?

So, a new mission – furniture shopping. To that end, I enlisted the companionship of my sister, AKA “Angelique Nightfire.”

We meet in the small but elegant showroom of “Capalini Fine Furnishings.” There we playfully threw our avatar-selves onto an extremely tasteful Federal style sofa; then each chose a side of a four-poster bed (and just as when we were children on family vacations, I threatened her with a karate chop if she strayed over to my side.)

Then somehow, we veered off course. The next thing I knew, we were wearing diver’s suits outside a pirate bar. Once inside said bar, Cyn put on a kimono and served Angelique a gin and tonic.

Such is the waking-dream semi-hallucinatory Second Life experience.

Leaving Angelique to nurse her virtual hangover, my next stop was the vast showroom of “Prim Goddess Creations,” which seemed prepared to fulfill my every interior decorating need…as well as needs I never knew I had. Like – what exactly is a “cuddle rug”?

(Leading to the philosophical question: Why do avatars feel a need to cuddle anyway?)

In the bedroom section, I spy a mahogany sleigh bed just like the one in my real life bedroom (except in SL, the bed is made.)

And over there -- toilets! I can’t resist the urge to walk into a bathroom display and touch the handle. It flushes! (Or more accurately, the picture of water in the bowl rotates in a clockwise fashion for a few seconds.)

Very amusing, but does it sell? In all my spying into virtual houses, I have never encountered one with a bathroom – for good reason. A virtual bathroom would only prove a rude reminder of the real life bathroom that one should be cleaning instead trying on that dreamy flowing gown.

So…bye-bye Prim Goddess!

But then I find myself in a store called “Dust Bunny”…

...prompting a glance towards the real life dust creatures forming at my feet. Seems no matter how hard one tries, some things (like housework and Britney Spears) are inescapable. Sigh.

After all my “research,” I conclude it’s easier (and cheaper) to keep my avatar homeless.

Thus resigned, I fly off to a small deserted island I’d scoped out on an earlier expedition; where a creative somebody-I’ve-never-met has turned a lighthouse into their home, complete with a life-sized (and very cuddle-able) stuffed bunny sitting by the bed.

By afternoon’s end, my avatar lies stretched out on a pillow-laden hammock by the water’s edge. All alone, save a small squirrel darting around the base of a nearby tree. It eyes Cyn suspiciously, but I don’t care.

Ah, yes…(virtual) life is good.

(If you made it here, to the end of the article, first of all, congratulations on your perseverance! Secondly, if you look closely in the last snapshot, you'll see the "squirrel" of the article was really a tiny rabbit. But I thought I had just one too many bunnies in my tale, and there is a SL squirrel that I'm fairly certain has been stalking me...so...

Hey, it's all pretend anyway!)

(To learn more about Second Life: http://www.secondlife.com/)

I just got an anonymous tip that supposedly, a major motion picture will be filming extensively on Penn's campus this summer.

Click to find out which film!

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The story about drugs in our water supply is still in the news.
Philadelphia is at the top of the 24 cities reported.
The trace amounts, however, are being measured in 'parts per billion'.

The Philly Water Department has tried to put it in perspective by stating -
A resident would have to drink 8 glasses of water every day for 40,000 years
to equal the dosage in 1 over the counter pain pill.

Good news for some, maybe not for others...

Story Link: Drugs in the water

Cartoon from Sid in the City

Calling it cross-dressing might be stretching it a bit, though technically the term is correct.
The kids were taking part in a school function called Wacky Week.
The week before Wacky Week, the kids voted on how they should dress up each day.

The last day of Wacky Week, the vote was to dress as either Senior Citizens,
or have the boys dress as girls, and girls dress as boys.

It was Wacky Week, get it? A time for the kids to have fun.
It brought the whackos out instead.

Story Link: Playing dress-up

Cartoon from Sid in the City

The Pennsylvania Department of Transportation, also known as PennDOT, has been awarded the nation's 2008 Best Sounding DOT Award. Every state in the country has a department of transportation and each shortens the name to the first sylable of the state plus DOT, such as CalDOT, MassDOT, NJDOT, etc.

Each year the American Department of Transportation(AmDOT) honors the state with the best ear-pleasing abreviation. "We're really honored, our team works hard every year to make the PennDOT name roll off the tounge. We really take pride in this award," said Doug Stillman, PennDOT official.

This year's second place finisher was DelDOT, which has claimed this position seven times in the last ten years but has never won. PennDOT has now won the award ten times in the last forty years.

MaineDOT, the only state that uses its full name with DOT, finished third this year. Honorable mention went to MissDOT but officials never clarified whether Missouri or Mississippi was the recipient. UtDOT and HawDOT finished 49th and 50th respectively. "We'll bounce back next year," said Jim Flores, Hawaii's Department of Transportation director.

News Item:
Catholics, Muslims, ink pact

Catholic and Muslim leaders in South Jersy signed an agreement yesterday, pledging cooperation and understanding of each other. It was the second such signing in the US. The first occured in 2003 in Rochester, New York. If the effort will now migrate to other states across the nation, and what impact, if any, it will have, remains to be seen. It is an effort, however, so that's a good thing, but radical factions from either side were notably absent.

News Link: Courier Post

Cartoon from Sid in the City

News Item:
Danish police foil cartoon murder plot.

It's two years ago already that this cartooon

caused riots all over the Muslim world.

We thought the reaction was extreme, to say the least.
If, two years later, you think the foment has died down, you'd better look again.
Three suspects are, at present, sitting in a Danish jail cell, accused of plotting to murder the cartoonist. Not get mad at him, not call him names, not write him nasty letters, but cut off his head, with no qualms about it.

These individuals are described in the dictionary thusly -
rad·i·cal
adjective
1 - Marked by a considerable departure from the usual or traditional.
2 - Disposed to make extreme changes.

Concentrate on the extreme, because that's what these folks are.

It's not a religious issue here, has nothing to do with a belief in Allah, or Homer Simpson for that matter. It's about morons going off the deep end. It's about idiots still living in the Dark Ages. It's about grown men, real adults, actually believing that if they should die while committing murder for their cause, they'll be rewarded in heaven with 72 Virgins.

Now we're not here to mock anyone's religious beliefs, there's no point in that, but take a potshot at mental defectives like these? Oh yeh, we'll do that every time.

News Link: Bloomberg.com

Cartoon from Sid in the City

Karen Knotts, daughter of the late actor Don Knotts(pictured), is putting excessive pressure on Mike Knuble, Philadelphia Flyers forward, to change the pronunciation of his last name, by eliminating the 'k' sound. This issue originally surfaced back in October at the beginning of the hockey season. Knotts was in town to attend a 'kn' Conference at the Pennsylvania Convention Center and discovered the hockey player pronounced the 'k' in his name.
The 'k' is silent in most English words containing the 'kn' combination. Exceptions include know and knever. "It sounds funny to pronounce the 'k,' but it's part of my heritage,"said Knuble. Knotts is continuing in the footsteps of her father who originally started the campaign to rid the country of all 'k' pronunciation in 'kn' words four years ago. Don Knotts, who passed away two years ago, started Know Knonsense, a for-profit organization, late in his life to combat this terrible problem. "Just before my father passed he told me to be courageous in this dangerous pursuit. It is now my mission," said Knotts. Knuble did not know nor had he ever met the actor but realized the 'kn' cause was an important part of Knotts' later life. "Out of respect for Mr. Furley I am considering it," said Knuble.

The three month old Hollywood writers strike could be hopefully coming to an end tomorrow (2/9) when writers guild members gather in L.A. and New York to consider a proposed contract.

In the event that there are further delays, Brian Appel (C'01, Mask and Wig) has a fun new reality show video (spoof) he edited that he wants us to consider:

"As the writers strike -- FOX gets REAL. "Annie...the REALITY!" is a feel good family show in which 12 orphans compete for the heart -- and home -- of Daddy Warbucks. You can bet your bottom dollar it's a hard knock life, but for ONE of these girls the sun will come out TONIGHT...on FOX! 8pm"

Click here to watch this HYSTERICAL video

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*DuelingTampons.com is a blog which reports on all the latest exclusive entertainment news about Penn alumni and undergrads

First Person Arts Offers New Artist Series in 2008
First Person Salons premiere Feb. 13th @ Gershman Y
Popular StorySlams continue on Feb. 26th @ L’Etage

PHILADELPHIA – First Person Arts’ 2008 season is now in full swing with an exciting lineup of events including the February premiere of the new First Person Salons at the Gershman Y and the continuation of the wildly successful First Person StorySlams at L’Etage. Through these monthly series, First Person Arts continues to celebrate memoir and documentary arts by embracing the city’s creative community, giving audiences a chance to experience engaging real life stories and tell their own tales in a community setting.

On Wednesday, February 13th First Person Arts will launch the salon series from 7:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. at the Gershman Y (401 S. Broad Street). The salons, which will be held at the same time each month on second Wednesdays, will showcase cutting edge original works by local artists through a variety of artistic mediums, from the written word and documentary film to visual and performing arts. The multi-disciplinary and interactive Salons are designed to engage audiences directly in the creative process.

The first Salon will feature several Philadelphia-area artists whose work pushes the boundaries of memoir and documentary arts. Nicole Dupree explores the personal history and memories sparked by objects she has collected throughout the years. Part of her presentation will involve actually giving some of the objects away. Documentary filmmaker David Kessler turns his camera from the neighborhood portraits of his successful Shadow World series to a new project documenting the lives of artists at work and at home in their studios. Titled Studioscopic, Kessler’s series includes a profile of Jenny Kanzler, a Philadelphia painter who explores the discomforts of memory in her work and Laura McKinley, who approaches self-portraiture through stripped-down, multimedia compositions. Rounding out the diverse group of artists is photographer Corey Armpriester, whose images frame the lives of everyday Americans through the lens of a suspicious state and storyteller Sharon Cole, who traces the ribbons of a formative adolescent road-trip through Aquafresh toothpaste.

On Tuesday, February 26th, the First Person StorySlams return to L’Etage (6th & Bainbridge Streets) with Philadelphia’s take on the theme of “Brotherly Love (and Sisterly Affection).” The monthly competitive storytelling series, which began in April 2007, has captivated the city’s storytelling community and attracted an online audience through monthly liveblogs and videocasts on www.uwishunu.com.

Everyone with a true story and a little sense of competition is encouraged to participate. Storytellers are invited to interpret the theme as inventively as they’d like, sharing with the audience tales about any real life experience that relates to the theme.

At each slam, ten participants have the chance to step up to the mic and tell a story within a five minute time limit. Contestants are judged by their peers, and each month’s highest scorer wins an invitation to the Grand Slam to compete for the title of Philadelphia’s Best Storyteller at the seventh annual First Person Festival of memoir and documentary arts in the fall of 2008. SBK Pictures’ Jim McGorman – whose filmmaking moves easily between slice-of-life storytelling and visual imagery – will host the February Slam.

First Person Arts is a nonprofit organization and producer of the annual First Person Festival and other programs that tap into the power of personal stories and speak to diverse audiences, including people whose voices are not often heard. First Person Arts is guided by the belief that the sharing of personal experience is a powerful way for people to celebrate uniqueness, bridge differences, and find common ground. For more information, please visit www.firstpersonarts.org.

Upcoming First Person Salon Events
Wednesday, February 13; artists: TBA
Wednesday, March 12; artists: TBA
Wednesday, April 9; artists: TBA

All First Person Salons are held at the Gershman Y, 401 S. Broad Street
7:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. every second Wednesday of the month
$5-10 sliding scale

Upcoming First Person Arts StorySlams Events
Tuesday, February 26; theme: Brotherly Love (and Sisterly Affection)
Tuesday, March 25; theme: The Road Not Taken
Tuesday, April 22; theme: The Awkward Pause

All StorySlams are held at L’Etage, 6th & Bainbridge Streets
Doors open at 7:30 p.m., slams begin at 8:30 p.m.
$5-10 sliding scale, ages 21+

For more information, contact First Person Arts at (267) 402-2056 or www.firstpersonarts.org. Artists working in all media and from all levels of experience, whose work is based in real-life experience, are encouraged to apply to present their work at future Salon events. To apply, visit www.salons.firstpersonarts.org or email salons@firstpersonarts.org. For information about participating in the StorySlams series, email storyslams@firstpersonarts.org.

Press Contact:
Canary Promotion + Design
Emaleigh Doley, emaleighATcanarypromo.com

It's time again for Bedtime Stories at the Shubin Theatre (presented by the Philadelphia Improv Theater): a night of comedic monologues, confessions, video and sketches based around a central theme. This month's theme is "Girls Gone Wild: A Tribute To Alycia Lane":

"Britney Spears. Lindsay Lohan. Alycia Lane. Nancy Pelosi. America is obsessed with bad girls; the drug-addicted, halter-top wearing ladies who have become an ubiquitous presence in our culture. At a very special edition of Bedtime Stories, your favorite Philadelphia comedians will tackle the issue of why it is we are obsessed with celebrity females in peril. Other than the fact that they are usually outrageously hot."

Come out to see:

Secret Pants
Meg and Rob
Matt Holmes and Friends
Doogie Horner
John Kensil
Kent Haines
Jaime Fountaine
Nick Gillette

Never been to Bedtime Stories before? Check out our coverage (videos and recaps) from the last few months.

It all takes place at The Shubin Theater (4th and Bainbridge) tonight at 8PM, $5

'Nuff said...

Cartoon from Sid in the City

News Item:
Dozens in Texas Town Report UFO's

Worried about the housing slump, are you? Concerned that the economy is about to tank? Seeing terror cells in your back yard? Then maybe you should move to Texas, or some other state in the southwest, where the UFO sightings could take your mind off such things.

Yep, they're buzzing again, all over the place. Have been for a couple of weeks now. Mostly around a small town called Stephenville. County officials are seeing them. Pilots are seeing them. Just about everyone in the area, except the Air Force. The non-believers, of course, assume they're experimental aircraft, and go on about their daily chores. Others are seeing The End of Days. Maybe the military should just open up Area 51 to the public, and let folks see what really isn't there.

Silly idea, isn't it, because the place doesn't exist. It's just a big blank spot on the map. So don't go sending us pictures of some big military complex in the middle of the desert. We know it isn't there, and so do you.

News Link: MSNBC

Cartoon from Sid in the City

News Item:
Lunch Break Boob Jobs

You knew it was coming, didn't you... A scientific breakthrough amazes and astounds us, then someone says "Wait a miinute, first things first", and so it is with stem cells. A lot has been written, and argued about, the viability of the research. It holds promise to repair spinal cord injuries and grow organs for those needing transplants, but 'internal' organs aren't the only things the stem cells can grow, as evidenced by the latest from a California biotech company.

Their baby is called Celution [an obvious pun on 'solution']. In just about an hour, your local Glamour Doc can perform the procedure. All it involves is injecting what Celution calls a 'super-charged' fat mixture into the patient's breast tissue. Then you just sit back and wait, because over the next couple of months your boobs are going to grow, and grow, and grow.

This could of course be boon to cancer patients that have had a mastectomy, but where do you think the big bucks will come from? Well hey, it is a California company, so you can expect Boob Boutiques to be popping up all over the place in LA and Beverly Hills.

That's a place, by the way, Beverly Hills, it's not a woman's name, and has nothing to do with this article, so the first one that writes in saying they remember a stripper who called herself that, gets their internet privileges suspended.

News Link: The Daily Telegraph

Cartoon from Sid in the City